Full Term + 2

"Full Term + 2". A pregnancy term I am *uncomfortably* familiar with. Unfortunately, I've even been acquainted with Full Term + 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 & 8, as well... but I hope and pray that we do NOT get that far in the count this time. Full Term + 8 is 7/23, and the date my c-section is currently scheduled for.

Two days past due, and honestly, I am a bit surprised. I am obviously no medical professional, but in my heart I always figured that I never progressed into labor with Brady because he was breech. It seemed to make "sense" that one would only dilate, efface, etc. if the baby's head was in, or at least somewhere near, the canal. I've been told that this baby has been head down all of my third trimester (confirmed again last week via ultrasound), so I had hoped that we'd be moving along "as nature intended" and that I'd be dilated (or at least feeling more contractions) by now.

As of my 39 week appointment last Tuesday, nothing is happening. No dilating, effacing... nothing. "Closed shut" is the official term my wonderful doctor prefers to use, and it feels awful to hear. I want nothing more than a little reassurance that my body is with my heart in its desire to succeed with this VBAC. It definitely is making me start to wonder-- what is wrong with my body?! Why can't I "have" babies?

Some days, I feel like I am so close. I get little bits of encouragement that tell me that maybe labor is just a step away. I walk long distances every day (sometimes twice!) and I swear the baby moves lower and lower, and afterwards I have that crampy feeling. Is this the beginning?, I wonder. Then I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and he's still high up, or I get heartburn and/or kicks in my ribs, and can't help but feel defeated.

And lately, I've also started to feel like his head in actually stuck above my right hip bone. I thought nothing of it really, until I "Google-searched" it (damn Internet!), then I started to worry that he's in what's called oblique position. Technically "head down", but not in a real engaged position for labor. If he is oblique, I think there is still a possibility that he could slip into the canal, but from what I read there is also the possibility that I will need a c-section after all. Awesome.

Anyone with real-life experience care to weigh in??

All this back-and-forth, waiting, worrying, has caused me to have some serious insomnia, which doesn't help matters at all. And I know what you're thinking... GET OFF THE INTERNET! It's funny how you can get online "just to check Facebook" and end up in tears 5 minutes later thinking you have to give up your dream of a vaginal delivery because you do one stupid search that leads you down a rabbit hole. But I just wanted to find a solution, that's all!

Anyway, that's what's going on here. My brother arrives late tonight which is a huge relief, because one way or another, at least I now have the comfort of knowing that Brady will be taken care of and won't have to be uprooted from his life too much. I have my 40 week appt. tomorrow (technically 40 week/3 day) so I hope to have more answers at that time. Trouble is, my Dr. isn't truly supportive of the VBAC in the first place, so I feel like he'll jump at the chance to c-section me/us. Fingers crossed I can get an objective opinion.

I'll keep everyone posted...